The #1 Quality He Must Have Before You Make It Official (Single Ladies Edition)

The #1 Quality He Must Have Before You Make It Official (Single Ladies Edition)

I don't follow a lot of celebrity news.

Unless it’s about Denzel Washington, Jessica Chastain, Mahershala Ali, Will Smith, and any member of New Edition… okay, I lied. 

I do follow some celebrity news.  

Recently, one of my favorite celebrities fell in love with another celebrity and they seem to be heading toward the altar in coming months. I’m excited, yet nervous for them because nothing about either of their lives has “long-term” written on it. But I really do wish them the best.

It DID have me thinking, however, about some personal friends of mine who are becoming more serious about their relationship. A few are even ready to make it officially “official”. In a recent conversation, one of the gals sought my counsel and asked: 

“What’s one thing I should look for in a guy before our relationship becomes official?”

Several thoughts came to mind, most prominent of which was that he have a thriving relationship with Jesus Christ. Not only should he be a Christian by name, but his life should reflect a growing pursuit of Christlikeness.

But she expected me to say that.

I’m a pastor.

My life’s aim is to point people to Jesus Christ and to stir up in them a greater love for Him.

So I dug deeper.

With all the couples I’ve counseled and relationships I’ve observed, the one quality in dudes that I’ve noticed makes the biggest difference between fairly happy couples and miserable ones is... (Ready for it?) TEACHABILITY. There very well may be more important qualities that constitute great husband-material, but this one really stood out to me.

Here are 3 reasons why finding teachability in a man is a winner.  


Teachable guys have plenty of room to grow, which is convenient, because in marriage, you will do a TON of growing up!

Teachable guys don’t give up when they fail at a task. Instead, they seek wise counsel so then can get in the know, and they try again and again until they get it right.

Ladies, this non-negotiable quality will only bode well for your future marriage in those instances where you or he will feel frustrated to the point of wanting to quit.


Teachable guys are attentive to subtle cues. When their lives are out of alignment with God’s direction, they tend to be more attentive to the “hints” from the Holy Spirit about recalibrating.

How does this relate to becoming “official” in a relationship?

Well, I’ve lived with my mother, I’ve lived with my sister, and now I am living with my wife. I have come to the conclusion that what women are thinking is many times not the same thing as what they are communicating when they speak.

So here’s the win for you, ladies. If a man can listen for and discern the sometimes-subtle voice of Holy Spirit in his life, chances are that he’s in a better position to be able to discern between what you’re thinking and what you’re really saying!

Attentive listening is GOLD in marriage! (My wife tells me so!)


Teachable guys are willing to admit when they are wrong, and are aware of the limitations of their knowledge and abilities.

Do I even need to state why this is of utmost-value to your future marriage?

could go on, but in all the qualities I would say you should make a non-negotiable before upping your relationship status to “official” with him, teachability would be my top pick.

In the words of the author of Proverbs 13, ladies, look for a man who is “not wise in his own eyes, but fears the Lord [and strives] to shun evil”, a guy who, “doesn’t resent or despise God’s discipline” in his life, a guy who, “never lets wisdom and understanding out of his sight.”

If you find that guy, you’ve found a keeper!

Godspeed, ladies. GODSPEED!

P.S: Singles dudes, if you snuck in here and are reading this: Here’s your homework:

  • What evidences of being teachable are there in your life?
  • Where is there room for improvement?
  • Who do you know who is teachable (who you can learn from). Track him down and become best friends with him!

Husband. Dad. Pastor. Nigerian American. Storyteller. Aspiring Prayer Warrior. Steak Lover. Follower of Jesus Christ reminding you that God the Father still loves you.