You've Been Asked to Give a Wedding Speech (Here are 5 Things You Should Say)

Wedding speeches. Urgh. 

Guys dread it, but eventually find themselves having to give one at a pal’s wedding. I’ve been to enough weddings to know they often go in one of two really bad directions.

Some guys treat it as their first real shot at stand up comedy and end up being incredibly inappropriate by sharing, “that-thing-we-did-back-in-college-that- should-have-remained-a-secret” jokes. Other guys fall somewhere between uninteresting and irrelevant, mostly because they ripped their speech off Google. I know this because I was THAT guy!

It’s an incredible thought, but did you know the Bible actually has a whole chapter dedicated to  a wedding speech? Yup, it’s in Psalm 45. In it, this one dude is invited to a king’s wedding and it’s his job to give the best man’s speech. He’s gonna totally nail it! From him, we learn a few things about giving great, non-suck, wedding speeches.

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT HIM

He starts, “My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.” So this dude recognizes that being asked to give a speech at a wedding is no small joke. It is perhaps the greatest honor one friend can extend to another. He’s also smart enough to know it’s not the time to dig up old dirt on his buddy, but a time to act noble. It’s not a generic speech either, but something personal from one friend to another, hence whey he recites it in his mind over and over so that when it comes out, it sounds like he’s got madd writing skills!

With that, he begins, “You are the most excellent of men and your lips have been anointed with grace, since God has blessed you forever....” Stop right there. Notice what his speech entails, he is shouting his friend’s praises! A good friend knows that present at his buddy’s wedding are important family members, in-laws, bosses, and well-wishers who will probably gift the couple with a large monetary check. Therefore he wouldn’t wanna do, or say anything to distort their polished view of the groom!

So when you’re giving your speech at your friend’s wedding, skip over the story about that time you both got so hammered that you urinated all over the landlord’s couch. Because you want to be honest, go right to the part where you and him repented of your foolishness and served the homeless as recompense, and tell the guests why that proves he will be a caring husband to his new wife. Remember, shout his praises!

Verse three to seven is simply elaboration on the good qualities he’s observed in his friend’s life, especially the qualities that pertain to his faithfulness to God. Most people at the wedding want to know that the beautiful bride who made them cry earlier when she was walking down the aisle is going to be in good hands. So be generous in your description of his godly traits and work ethic.

If your friend happens to be a jerk and you can’t think of a single redeeming quality in his life to share, then politely turn down his offer, or mysteriously disappear right before the D.J invites you up for the speech! He’ll hate you for the next few weeks, but you’ll feel good about not embarrassing him, so technically, you’re even!

But of course, it would never come to that because your friend is awesome and that’s why you’re at his wedding...moving on!

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT HER

After you’re done reassuring his skeptical in-laws that your friend is a responsible young man, then you can turn your attention to shouting HER praises.

Because I’ve seen enough drunk best men give cringe-worthy speeches that have made the whole uncomfortable, I need to say this upfront. Under absolutely no circumstance should you draw attention to or point out how anatomically-blessed the bride is! You can think it and maybe even silently thank God on behalf of your buddy for her, but don't you dare voice it on the microphone.

While I’m at it, DO NOT say a word about any ex- girlfriends!

Instead point out how radiant the bride looks and how it’s an indication of the great love and joy between the couple. Point out how much of a change you’ve noticed in your buddy’s life since she started dating him.

Shoot for what the author of this psalm does in verse 9-15, “Daughters of kings are among your honored women; at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir. Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention: Forget your people and your father’s house. Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord. The city of Tyre will come with a gift, people of wealth will seek your favor. All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold. In embroidered garments she is led to the king; her virgin companions follow her—those brought to be with her. Led in with joy and gladness, they enter the palace of the king.”

Note the inclusion of extended family members in his speech. Sooooo...

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT HER FAMILY

This next part is a guaranteed tear-jerker! As you speak highly of the bride, turn to her parents and shower them with praises about how well they raised their daughter, and how much better a man your buddy is today because of the work they poured into her life! (Slowly fake-wipe a tear to sell this point).

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT HER DRESS

You’ll observe that this author spends a few verses pointing out the details of the bride’s dress, so you should probably say something really nice about her dress too. No doubt she spent a lot of time and money on the outfit, and expects her female friends to notice and admire it. You on the other hand are a dude. She knows you’re not a fashion expert and are probably more concerned with the bacon-wrapped steak appetizers than you are about who designed her dress.

So pointing out how beautiful her dress is might be an extra sweet touch she wasn’t expecting. Words like, “good”, “okay”, and “cool” are not allowed, but you can get away with, “Extraordinary!”, “Best. Dress. Ever!!”, and “I would totally get a second job to buy that dress for my future wife!”

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE COUPLE

In verse 16-17, the author says, “Your sons will take the place of your fathers; you will make them princes throughout the land. I will perpetuate your memory through all generations; therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever.”

To close out, help them envision their future.

Have fun with this part and dream big for them, (it doesn’t matter if it comes true, it’s a well-wish!). Tell them your dreams and hopes for their marriage. Tell them what kind of children you hope and dream they will someday have, (no jokes!). Tell them how great a couple they will be and how influential they have and will continue to be.

When you’re done and every eye in the room is welling up with tears, and every single-girl in the room thinks you’re THE ONE they’ve spent their whole lives waiting for, and every guy wants to beat the crap out of you because you just stole all the mojo in the room, raise your glass and invite everyone else to do so.

Say your cheers to the bride and groom. Give him a hug. Give her a hug. Give a bonus-hug to her parents, then walk back to your seat like a boss! 

→ → TALKBACK: What's the best/worst wedding speech you ever heard or gave?