Single? Here’s a crazy claim.
The person you’re eager to someday meet, marry, and spend the rest of your life with might already be present in your life.
I think it’s accurate to assume that you’re hoping to someday meet someone you’ll like and fall heads over heels in love with. It’s also likely that when you day dream about that big moment, you’re thinking in terms of someday meeting them, “out there.” In other words, you’re hoping you’ll run into them at a party, Church, friend’s place, or even online.
But without giving you fuel to get creepy on any of your current friends, might I suggest that you consider what a relationship would look like with a good friend already present in your life? Someone who already likes you, someone who knows all your quirks, and enjoys spending time with you anyway?
Here’s what I’m proposing. We often think of marriage in terms of romance, attraction, passion, and loves sparks. The truth however is that great marriages are built on strong friendships. Seriously. Marriage is about friendship. A friendly chemistry between two people who like each other, inspite of all their shortcomings, creates a solid foundation for a great marriage. In the book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, the authors, who are both respected sociologists, make an interesting observation. They write, “The determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couples friendship. For men, the determining factor is of their satisfaction in marriage is also by 70 percent, the couple’s friendship. So as it turns out, men and women come from the same planet after all.”
The point is simple. Build a great friendship, and marry your friend.
I understand that some of you might be stuck in what’s known as the dreaded, “Friendship Zone”, and slipping out of it might be more complex than breaking out of federal maximum-security prison.
But hey, it’s still worth a shot.
Lay off any overt romantic gestures up front and foster a deeper caring relationship with your friend. After some time, (emphasis on, “time”) offer a fun, attachment-free date night to get a reading on your chemistry. If a romantic relationship is going to come out of your friendship, you’ll get a good sense of it during your fake-date.
If nothing comes of it, then at some point you’ll just have to lay all your cards on the table and let them know how you feel.
Oh, and pray too! Tell Jesus your plans, then boldly ask her/him out.
May God grant you some serious game!
→ → TALKBACK: What are your thoughts on transitioning from the, "Friendship zone" to a more intentional romantic relationship?