The #1 Quality He Must Have Before You Say, "I Do"

I don’t follow a lot of celebrity news.

Unless it’s about Denzel Washington, Aaaron Sorkin, Mahershala Ali, Will Smith, and any member of New Edition… and Boyz II Men… okay, I lied. 

I do follow some celebrity news.

Recently, one of my favorite celebrities fell in love with another celebrity and they seem to be heading toward the altar in coming months.  I’m excited and nervous for them because nothing about either of them says, “long-term.” But I really do wish them the best.

It did have me thinking, though, about some personal single friends of mine who are becoming more serious about their relationship. A few are even ready to make it officially “official”. In a recent conversation, one of the gals sought my counsel and asked,

“What’s one thing I should look for in a guy before our relationship becomes official?”

Several thoughts came to mind, most prominent of which was that he have a thriving relationship with Jesus Christ. Not only should he be a Christian by name, but his life should reflect a growing pursuit of Christlikeness.

But she expected me to say that.  I’m a pastor.  My life’s aim is to point people to Jesus Christ and to stir up in them a greater love for Him. So, I dug deeper.

In all the pre-marital counseling and dating relationships I’ve been privileged to speak into, the one quality in men that I’ve noticed makes the biggest difference between fairly happy couples and miserable ones is…

TEACHABILITY.

There very well may be more important qualities that constitute great husband-material, but this one really stood out to me, for at least 3 reasons.  

Reason #1: Teachable MEN have plenty of room to grow, which is convenient, because in marriage, you will BOTH do a TON of growing up!  

Teachable guys don’t give up when they fail at a task. Instead, they seek wise counsel so then can get in the know, and they try again and again until they get it right. Ladies, this non-negotiable quality will bode well for your future marriage in those instances where you or he might feel frustrated to the point of wanting to quit.

Reason #2: Teachable MEN are attentive to subtle cues.

When their lives are out of alignment with God’s direction for their lives, they tend to be more attentive to the “hints” from the Holy Spirit about recalibrating.

How does this relate to becoming “official” in a relationship?  

Well, I’ve lived with a mother. I’ve lived with a sister, and now I have a wife and daughter living with me. I have learned the hard way that what women are thinking is often not the same thing as what they are communicating when they speak.

So here’s the win for you, ladies: If a man can listen for and discern the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) voice of Holy Spirit in his life, chances are that he’s in a better position to be able to discern between what you’re thinking and what you’re really saying!

Reason #3: Teachable guys are willing to admit when they are wrong, and are aware of the limitations of their knowledge and abilities.

Do I even need to state why this is gold to your future marriage? In fact, in all the qualities I just discussed, I would say you should make this one a non-negotiable before upping your relationship status to “official” with him.

In the words of the author of Proverbs 13, ladies, look for a man who is “not wise in his own eyes, but fears the Lord [and strives] to shun evil”, a guy who, “doesn’t resent or despise God’s discipline” in his life, a guy who, “never lets wisdom and understanding out of his sight.”

If you find that guy, you’ve found a keeper!

Godspeed, ladies. GODSPEED!

P.S: Singles men, if you snuck in here and are reading this: Here’s your homework:

• What evidences of being teachable are there in your life?

• Where is there room for improvement?

• Who do you know who is teachable (who you can learn from). Track him down and become best friends with him!

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